Captain's Choice
by James Church
Summary: Feeling the loneliness and responsibility of command, Janeway takes up an offer by Chakotay for a holo-deck program where she gets to meet another starship commander.
1. Chapter 1

((The events of this story take place in Season 4, after the episode "One" and before the episode "Hope & Fear"))

"Ship's Log, Stardate 51950.7", Kathryn Janeway spoke into the recorder, "Voyager has now cleared the Mutara-class nebula and its subnucleonic radiation and is back on course for the Alpha Quadrant. The ship and crew are both functionally normally."

She begins to make further comments, but then shuts off the recorder and signs. "Problem, Captain?" Commander Chakotay asks. Janeway smiles. "No, just nothing I can really think to add." "Captain, what's wrong?" her first officer insists. Janeway sighs. "In my Ready Room."

As the two Starfleet officers enter, Captain Janeway goes to the replicator and orders a large coffee. "Next to the last ration for me for the week," she explains, taking the piping hot mug, "You want something?" Chakotay shakes his head. "Kathryn," he begins, "Something is bothering you. What is it?"

Janeway sits on the couch, looking out the window at the star-streaks of the warp field. She sighs again. "I don't know. It's hard to put my finger on it." Chakotay takes a seat across from her. "I suppose it's something we were taught back in Command School at the Academy. They called it the 'loneliness of command'." She sipped her drink. "The idea being as a Captain, you had hundreds of lives and a starship depending on your every decision or command. And despite doctors or Ship's Counselors or even a close friend…" She smiled and tipped the mug towards her First Officer. "No one can really understand what it's like, except another starship commander."

Chakotay pondered this for a moment. "And we don't even have a Ship's Counselor." Janeway smiled. "No, the Doctor isn't much of a psychotherapist." "And talking to me doesn't really help, does it?" Janeway smiled again. "It's not that, Chakotay, it's just…" He stood up. "No, I understand. Really. And I think I may have a solution." Kathryn Janeway chuckled. "What? You going to transport a fellow starship commander from the Alpha Quadrant, so we can go out for drinks and talk about the 'burden of command'?"

Chakotay nodded. "Actually, that's pretty close to what I had in mind. Meet me at the Holodeck at 1600 hours." And he strode out of the room, leaving Janeway puzzled.


	2. Chapter 2

Six hours later, Kathryn Janeway stepped off the turbo-lift and made her way to the Holodeck of "Voyager". Chakotay was waiting for her and was holding what appeared to be a gold short skirt, black hose, and black boots in his hands. "Okay, Chakotay," Janeway began, "What's this all about?" He smiled. "First, you'll need to get into costume." He handed the dress to Janeway and she held it up by the shoulders.

It was a mini-dress, only thigh-length. The black collar was low cut and over the left breast was a variation of the "arrowhead" symbol of Starfleet that had become standardized in the mid-23rd Century. Captain stripes were on the cuffs. "Lovely, if a bit revealing," she commented. He held out the boots and hose to her. The boots were synthetic leather and knee-high. The hose stretched up to the panty-line.

"Mid-23rd Century 'Great Expansion' period Starfleet uniform option for females." Janeway nodded. "Yes, I saw one in the Fleet Museum on a display mannequin. Hard to believe women chose this as a uniform." Chakotay shrugged. "Well, you have to remember the times. They were a lot more open with their sexuality back then." He paused. "You object to wearing it?" Janeway smiled and took the boots, and entered a nearby lavatory.

Minutes later, she emerged. Chakotay had to admit, despite their non-sexual friendship, the sight of Kathryn Janeway in the mini-dress and boots was quite appealing. "What do you think?" she asked. "Impressive," he said, trying to be nonchalant. She looked down at herself. "I think I could have pulled this off a hundred years ago." He smiled. "Ready?" he said, laying his fingers on the control panel of the Holodeck. "Wait," she exclaimed, "You still haven't explained what this has to do with what we talked about." He smiled again. "You'll see." He pressed the buttons. "Computer, run Chakotay-1701." He motioned for her to enter. Janeway walked forward and the Holodeck doors slid open and she saw what looked like an old style turbo-lift. She stepped in.

As the Holodeck doors closed behind her, they disappeared as a turbo-lift wall replaced them. Suddenly the lift began to move upwards with a low hum and Janeway saw deck-lights moving past the opaque panel on the wall. She was just about to think this type of lift was very familiar to her, when the door opened onto the bridge of a starship. Janeway then knew why it seemed so familiar to her. It was a "Constitution"-class.

Stepping out of the lift, she looked around the circular bridge. It was nearly identical to the bridge of the USS Potemkin NCC-1657, which was in the Fleet Museum. She had visited it as a cadet. She looked to her right and saw a dark-skinned woman with high coiffed hair manning the Communications station. Beyond her…a Vulcan. He stood intently gazing into an old-style sensor readout hood. Except for being lighter skinned, seeing a Vulcan on the bridge of the old ship reminded her of Tuvok.

At the Helm/Navigation station, two young men sat monitoring the ship's progress and status. She smiled lightly as she considered the same function was controlled alone by Tom Paris. To her immediate left was the Engineering Station. A middle-aged man with dark hair was monitoring warp field read-outs. He called out to the Captain, whose back was to Janeway, as he sat in the command chair just on the other side of a railing from her. "Warp Five an' holdin', Cap'n" came a thick Scottish brogue. All of the bridge crew wore uniforms of the mid-23rd Century color-coded to the Old Standard, with the women in mini-skirts like Janeway's.

She then began to move around the railing to see the Captain of the vessel. When he came into view, she saw a remarkably handsome man, she immediately recognized. He had brown hair, hazel eyes, with a firm jaw-line and light, appealing smile on his face. His build was attractive, with solid but without perturbing muscles under his uniform top.

"James T. Kirk," she said, startling herself for speaking out loud. He turned to her and smiled broadly. "Captain Janeway," he acknowledged with a nod. Kirk then turned to the Vulcan, whom Janeway remembered was Spock, later Ambassador Spock. "How long to Starbase Five, Spock?" he asked. "Sixteen hours, four minutes, thirty-seven seconds, sir." Kirk smiled a clever smile at Janeway and then back to Spock semi-seriously. "You sure about that ETA?" The Vulcan seemed affronted and raised a single eyebrow. "My calculations are accurate, sir." Kirk smiled at him and then to Janeway. "I'm sure they are, Spock, I'm sure they are." He stood up and walked over to her.

"Captain, care to join me in the Rec Room for some coffee?" Janeway stood stunned for a moment. There were few Starfleet officers, especially Terran ones, that didn't idolize Kirk and read about every mission he had gone on, to his very last one onboard the "Enterprise-B" where he disappeared. "Uh, yes," she stammered. Kirk nodded and politely extended his hand towards the turbo-lift. She moved, almost in a daze, towards it. "Spock, you have the conn," Kirk called and they entered the lift.


	3. Chapter 3

"So, " he began, as they descended, "Captain of the 'Hood', huh? Excited?" Janeway merely nodded. Kirk seemed a bit confused at her silence. "Top honors at Starfleet Academy, First Officer on the 'Intrepid'. Now command of your own starship. Quite a remarkable career." He paused with a grin. "Almost as impressive as mine." Janeway smiled. Kirk smiled back.

"I always wanted to meet you," she shot out, immediately feeling like a moonstruck teenager. Kirk shrugged. "Well, thanks." She tried to begin again. "I mean everybody always looked up to you and your career." Kirk got a puzzled look on his face. "It's not over yet," he declared. Janeway smiled, remembering her "setting". "Oh, no, of course not." The turbo-lift stopped and they got out on Deck 7 and walked to the Recreation Room.

Upon entering, Janeway saw three or four crew-members sitting at tables, playing three dimensional chess or simply chatting. Kirk walked over to a bank of replicators on a wall and turned to Janeway. "How do you take your coffee?" "Black." He nodded and smiled. Inserting a data cartridge he picked up from the storage rack, he pressed a button on the replicator and two coffees in foam cups appeared as a panel slid up. Janeway again waxed nostalgic for the old pre-voice command system. They took their coffees and sat at a nearby table away from the rest of the crew.

"So where are you from? Back on Earth, I mean?" Kirk asked, sipping his drink slowly. "Bloomington, Indiana," Janeway replied. He nodded. "I'm from Iowa, myself." "I know, Riverside, Iowa. Born March 22nd, 2233. Father George, a Starfleet officer. Mother Winona. One brother, George Junior. Accepted Starfleet Acad…." She suddenly caught herself again, gushing. "Uh, right" Kirk said, bemused. He smiled at her. "Look, all we are, are two fellow Starfleet captains. We're equals, the same. The last link in the chain of command for a starship." His face went a bit more serious.

Kathryn remembered why she was here and why Chakotay had created the program. "Yes, we are, aren't we?" she answered solemnly. And Kirk nodded. He looked intently at her. "Was there something you wanted to ask me?" She was mildly surprised by the question. At first putting it down to the noted insightfulness of Kirk, and then realizing it was part of the programming of his "character" here on the Holodeck.

Her question caught her by surprised, more than her girlish gushing over the dashing hero from the past. "How do you stand the loneliness?" As it escaped her lips, she saw both understanding and acceptance in Kirk's face. "It is lonely, isn't it?" he began, "All those faces looking at you. Their very lives depending on your next decision. No one else to truly be able to turn to for the final word. And you think…'What if I'm wrong?'" He pondered that a moment, while Janeway saw the truth of it in her own life and command.

He smiled lightly at her. "Well," he began again, "You tell yourself. You've had the training. You've had the experience. You've got the best people working for you. You trust the advice of your friends, even if, as it sometimes will be, between an old country doctor and a logical Vulcan and is contradictory." He smiled broader. "And you do the best you can. If it works out, fine. If it doesn't, you deal with the situation and never let the odds beat you."

She looked at him with a knowing smile. "And what if it's a 'Kobayashi Maru' scenario?" He raised an eyebrow and then grinned at her. "Then you cheat….if that's what it takes to win." Kirk was serious again. "But you don't give up, you don't surrender, you don't quit." Janeway saw the determination in the man and saw it reflected back in herself.

"Any other questions?" he asked, leaning back in his chair, nursing his drink. She looked at him for a moment. "You had…have," she began smoothly, "Quite the reputation as a 'ladies' man', Captain." Kirk seemed shocked then chuckled. "Do I?" Janeway nodded. "I was just wondering if it was deserved." Kirk pursed his lips and began to speak…


	4. Chapter 4

Kathryn Janeway entered the bridge of "Voyager" and saw Commander Chakotay sitting at his chair. She motioned to him towards the Ready Room and he jumped up and followed her.

He saw her over at the replicator and heard her say "Coffee, black, hot." She took it and walked over to him and handed him the drink. "I believe I owe you one from your holodeck ration." Chakotay smiled and accepted it. They sat on the couch. "How did it go?" he asked, blowing on the drink to cool it. Janeway smiled broadly. "Excellent," she began, "That truly was an inspired idea of yours, Commander." He nodded in appreciation. "So he helped you with your problem?" "Yes. The ability to speak with another starship commander, but especially that one, really helped me put things in perspective. We had a nice little chat and it gave me some good encouragement."

Chakotay smiled again. "I'm glad." Then he noted something. "Captain?" He saw that she was staring out of the viewport, distractedly. "Hmm?" she answered not looking back. "You were in there for a long time for just a 'little chat'?" he asked. "Was I?" she said, turning back from the stars to look at the First Officer. "Yes, almost three hours," Chakotay said very puzzled. "What else happened?"

Janeway looked at her friend with a disapproving look, but then a sly smile. "Now, Commander. You know we starship captains never kiss and tell."


End file.
